Saturday, August 31, 2002

there's a lot you missed in the past couple days.
*deep breath*
let's start from the top. wayne told me he still wants me. i don't know how it happened...but i ended up fooling around with him. that's right. i cheated on andrew. twice. i felt like shit. absolute shit. i couldn't believe i did something so bad to someone i cared about so much. i was also starting to get the impression that he was going to leave me. not telling him was killing me. i went to go get my schedule 3 days ago...i hung out with averil, rebecca, elena, and alan. we went to elena's, then alan's. finally when i was leaving alan walked me to the bus stop and waited with me. we started talking. i told him i cheated and felt bad and everything and he told me he thinks i should tell andrew. i wanted to but i was too scared. alan and i talked and talked and i decided he was right. i was going to have to tell him. 2 days ago i told him i cheated. i burst into tears and told him i cheated. yesterday he decided we should take a break. i cried. he asked if i was okay. i told him not to worry. he said he was going to anyways. i asked why. he said "because i still love you". i cried harder. i told him how bad i felt for fucking up something i had that was actually going good. he said not to worry because he wanted to take a break before he found out anyways, and he was trying to make it obvious, but i didn't pick up his hints. i misinterpreted a code language between kyle and him as hints. so i still knew. just not from how he was trying to tell me. i got online yesterday...and had quite the conversation with kyle.

me:
hi kyle
kyle:
hey
me:
whats up?
kyle:
hear what happen with tory and andrew
kyle:
it is a shame
me:
..i am tory
kyle:
sorry
kyle:
that is what i meant
kyle:
you messed up
me:
i know
kyle:
(i always talk in third person)
kyle:
(don't mind me)
me:
i know i messed up
kyle:
so what do you think should happen?
me:
we're taking a break
kyle:
(between you two)
kyle:
what do you mean?
me:
andrew said he thinks we should take a break
kyle:
damn right
kyle:
you screwed around with him
kyle:
do you know how much respect he had for you?
kyle:
all camp he never cheated on you?
me:
i know kyle
kyle:
what, so he is suppose to forgive
me:
no
kyle:
do the right and forgive you and then you will think it was okay
kyle:
and then wayne
kyle:
it happens again
kyle:
what then?
kyle:
huh
kyle:
you know the answer!
kyle:
I RESPECTED YOU!
me:
kyle
me:
i know
me:
i fucked up
kyle:
so what are you going to do about it?
kyle:
about Wayne
kyle:
and bye the way if i ever see him i will beat him in so hard
kyle:
i don't care
kyle:
he was part of it
kyle:
and you an
kyle:
him
kyle:
well
kyle:
have a good time
me:
i dont know what im going to do about it
kyle:
i will make sure he gets the point
me:
im not talking to wayne right now
kyle:
that guys don't mess with other guys girlfriends
kyle:
it makes me go insane
kyle:
it is because of people like you and wayne i don't have a girlfriend
kyle:
you always think you can fo whatever you want
kyle:
well
kyle:
thanks
me:
kyle look im sorry
me:
you think i dont know i screwed things up?
kyle:
andrew seems a little sad but in the future
kyle:
he will find a real girlfriend
me:
your making it seem as if i did it and now i dont care
kyle:
what is your phone #
me:
889 8530
me:
why?
kyle:
one sec
me:
k




then he called. he made me feel like shit. worse then i had felt before. i cried so hard i hyperventalated. but he had a reason to. he wasn't there to make me feel like shit he was there to tell me. to talk to me. and i thank him. he told me why andrew wanted to take a break. he said that andrew didn't like that i was always trying to please him. i was too submissive and didnt have enough respect for myself. i told kyle i dont know how to respect myself. he said he's going to help me. he asked me to come to church with him just one sunday, just one. i agreed. kyle said he had to go so i had to ask him something before he left.
me: kyle do you hate me?
kyle: no i respect you...you know why? because you listened to what i had to say
me: because you're right. thank you
kyle: dont thank me yet, wait until after you come to church with me

andrew doesn't hate me and kyle doesn't hate me. i'm getting off extremely lucky.
i just read kale's blog entry from wednesday. he thinks it's fun times all around. heh. while he was thinking that...i was trying to make a decision that would change everything.
it's weird not talking to kale...but i can still read his blog to see how things are with him. it's kind of nice to know he's reading mine. it might not be to see how things are with me. but he still visits it.

now alan likes me...a lot. averil wants to set us up. he's really sweet and all but i think i want some time.

everyone thinks im not over wayne...i am over wayne...now i have to get over andrew....i really do miss him...and i really did love him...and despite what lexy thinks or what wayne thinks he wasn't a rebound. i really loved him. and he loved me...and i fucked it up - badly. i did something beyond forgiveness...i didnt something terrible...and im a horrible person.

i was reading waynes rants on his new site...he had one talking about his feelings....
"anyone whos known me long enough or spent enough time with me knows that i have these sides, sides that are sensitive - angry - fun ; whatever you name it ive been to it except love i dont think ive ever really meant it when i said it"
well isn't that good to know? i fucked things up with andrew, i can't let go of derick, or larry and wayne never really loved me. making almost a year of my life...well....theoretically.....A LIE!
now there's another part of his rant about me...
"AND shes also trying to rub into my face that not many sexy people want me and some want her"
i didn't say one thing about lots more people wanting me. why would i...everyone wants him. more people want him. i know that. i even told him to go out with that girl.
tonight was another night of him ignoring me, and then going offline. i really should be used to it by now...it did happen for a year. but apparently now i'm his best friend....ugh...i dont know...i really need to get used to being ignored and disliked. i mean i'm still not used to larry ignoring me. when i went to get my schedule i was standing RIGHT in front of him half the time and RIGHT beside him the other half. didn't say hi. nothing. which is what i'd suspect. but i still can't deal with it.
i talk too much for one guy...so i talk less....then i talk too little for the next guy
im too focused on how depressed I am for one guy...so i stop caring about myself...then i don't care about me enough for the next guy
i'll never find a prince charming...who is actually sincere. rob claims to like me for who i am. dave used to. and alan does. but the don't know me. look what's happened to the guys who like me for who i am...wayne...andrew...i'm with them for a while....they get to know me...they want to leave me....
by the way...the chipmunk thing with andrew and kyle...was just their code for rating people's stupidity
now allow me to go wallow in self pity...even though kyle gives me shit for it...and think about everything i've fucked up, and how i'm only 15 so i have so much more to fuck up, and think about how horrible what i did to andrew was...and how i wish my mind would let me finally forget derick...and how larry hates me and i should deal with that...and how danny's gone and i should deal with that...and how wayne never loved me...and how ugh
...i only tried so hard to please andrew because i thought if i did something wrong...he'd leave me....my childhood i blamed myself for my mother neglecting me. she's too *busy* up in her room...i convinced myself i wasn't a good enough child.
...she couldn't get out of bed...i convinced myself i wasn't a good enough child
i convinced myself that if i dont strive to please the ones i love and the ones that love me...then they'll go away, they'll leave, they'll hate me, they'll ignore me, they'll neglect me

well my dads yelling at me for not being in bed
so i should go to *sleep* (so basicly sit and stare at my wall wallowing until i pass out from the exhaustion of crying and lack of sleep)
.......bye..............................
...alans trying to get me to start eating again...i was thinking...i barely eat...does that make me almost anerexic or just i dont eat?....

Thursday, August 29, 2002

hey...i just got home from Alan's about an hour and a half ago....we talked a lot...I've discovered a lot. I'm tired and Alan really wants me to go eat cause I haven't eaten much.
So I'll explain after I get home from the hospital tomorrow. (asthma appointment)


......alan is a sweetie.......

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

whoa....its been 3 days since I wrote in my blog!

This weekend, I was at my moms...I got my ears repeirced...just like I've been meaning to do for 2 years...I got Modrobes jeans and BRIGHT green modrobes...and these funky lime green plastic shoes with plastic spikes on the sides on them...I LOVE THEM!

Yesterday Wayne came over, we went to Leah's house and her friend Steph was there. She decided to call Andrew. Kyle decides he's desperate and wants Leah. So Wayne and I have to bus Leah to Andrew's....(I had to PROMISE Kyle she'd be there). We get there and they tell me they're leaving...to the mall (Hillcrest) so Wayne and I have to bus Leah home. I needed to go to the mall (Promenade) so we stopped there. I ran into Alanna, she's quit drugs, looking good, and might go to Thornhill. I saw Greg (he is so cute, and Mike. Then we took her home, and waited at the bus stop for like 40 minutes to go home. While we were there Arieh drove buy (on his way to the mall of course) BUT GUESS WHO WAS IN THE CAR? HOT GUITAR DUDE! AKA....Elan or Elad...I think its Elan...anddddd later Todd drove by.

Today...Andrew, Kyle, Kyle's brother Josh, Ariel, Debby, and Wayne came over. Debby and I were tanning, and trying to talk Wayne into joining us, while everyone was in the pool. THAT IS UNTIL *dun, dun, dun* Andrew, Ariel, and Kyle...THREW Debby, Wayne, and I in the pool. =S BAH! My bikini is sexy though! Later Kyle and Wayne played guitar...that is until.......everyone decided they were hungry. I almost lost it. There were Beef Pattys, Pizza Pockets, Bread, and Grilled Cheese...EVERYWHERE!!!! I couldn't deal with the chaos of all 7 people (including me) in my little kitchen all at once. Then Andrew, Kyle and Josh left. Debby made me soup, made me sit down and calm down and eat while she did the dishes and got Wayne to wash the table. I love Debby...THANK YOU! Then us four watched Ghost World...then Ariel left....Debby and Wayne had an orgy...with Pontus Madson and Chinco Bob (lmao) and then Debby left. I made Wayne sit through 40 minutes of The Magickal Legend of The Leprechauns before he had to leave. THAT IS A GOOD MOVIE THOUGH! He missed some of the best parts. I bought a
It was a tiring two days, but that's okay, because school is almost here. Tomorrow I have to meet Tarana, Polina, and Averil at the school at 1....why they want to see me...I'll never know. I'm too scared to tell Tarana I want to go to Thornhill. Then we're getting our schedules...I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow, but oh well. Thursday I have to go to the Hospital for an Asthma appointment, and my grandparents are going away. I think Andrew's going away this weekend too. Then Tuesday...School Starts...I'm so dreading school.

*sigh* I think Andrew might want to leave me. Kyle kept saying something...but he was saying it in a somewhat code language. For example...he said something like '2 chipmunks and the acorn falls' then I looked at him funny and he said something about me not knowing what Andrew and him were talking about so I said something like 'that's cause it's in code...I prefer to step out of the third grade'.......he said something right after like 'heh, 1 chipmunk and the acorn falls'.

I called Andrew later and asked him to explain...his explanation: it's just Kyle being an idiot.
THEN LATER:
Andrew: okay...I'm going to go now
Me: so it's just Kyle being and idiot right?
Andrew: yeah...for now

WTF DOES FOR NOW MEAN?!?!

.....he wants to leave me doesn't he?!?!.........

on the bright side....I'm so happy.....I'm not sure why...just recently I have been...not to mention Kyle, Andrew, and Wayne, GET ALONG! wo0!

Debby just called to see if I was okay...I LOVE DEBBY :)
I have to clean my room eventually...Wayne offered to do it...that was kinda strange...

Saturday, August 24, 2002

Friday, August 23, 2002

MORE OF THE ASS KICKING
Andrew bikes over, we go to Cosmo's, come back here play some video games, then he goes home
I go to the bank update my passbook, get whistled at by some guy
see Laura
Debby tells me the Coffee Time by her place is hiring....
I go to the bank, get a money order, send my order for The Weekend's self titled cd, Robin Black's star shaped single, and The Weekend's single.
see Kyle
get to Debby's house, hand in a resume to Coffee Time...chill with Debby and Geffen
I went to see the German Choir preform...they are AMAZING
THEN I get home...Debby tells me she can go to the Robin Black concert...IF I can get us a ride home which I'll work on this weekend...
THEN...LEAH tells me...that she was talking to ZAK!!!!! and she got his number and they're gonna chill and I'm invited!
DUDE! SWEET! DUDE!
OMFG I'm bouncing off the walls I'm so fucking happy! NOTHING could go wrong!
btw....you all suck limp dick.....especially wayne

heheheheheeeehhehehehehehe
TODAY KICKS FUCKING ASS...well technically yesterday
I went to the mall with Mike B-E and Andrew...Mike doesn't look that bad with his green mohawk...he's still a cutie....then I went to Andrew's....I invited Andrew over for well i guess today....he's going to call when he wakes up!

So anyways, I'm surfing the Cheerleader site and I decide to go look at the MERCH section! I ordered a CD...demoish like...but it has I Want Action on it...I love that song....! I ALSO ORDERED....
THESE

Wo0 don't they kick fucking ass!!!!
I also ordered some free crap...so I can be a cheerleader drugdealer (aka street team member pretty much)
I ordered a single from song band that looks cool...but my computer won't play the online demos...Starving Friday
AND I ordered and C.J. Sleez sticker...I'm not sure if I want to buy a t-shirt yet...same with Cheerleader...I dunno if I want a Cheerleader t-shirt. There's a cookie store! Kinky Kookies. If you go to the new products section...abnd scroll down a bit...you'll see they make Robin Black cookies! CAN WE SAY GOD? THEY ARE MY GOD
These discoveries are brought to us by Robin Black's links page!
I MUST FIND OUT HOW OLD HE IS!
There's this article in some free magazine in some store on Queen Street about him....he likes to hang out at the Shanghai Cowgirl....
538 Queen W. Mon-Wed, 10:30am-midnight; Thurs-Sat, 10:30am-4am; Sun,10:30am-6pm. 203-6623. according to eye.com
BUT
toronto.com says well the exact same except the address is 538 Queen W
Toronto, ON M5V2B5
I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO...get a third opinion
toronto-goth.com says............*goes and looks*...well i cant find anything...that isn't a great help..oh well.....guess I'll hafta find out myself....or call...but that's no fun!
I NEED ROBIN BLACK MERCH! WHY HAS HE NO MERCH?!?!!??! BAHH!
speaking of which......why do gay people like the guy from N*Sync...and J Lo, and THE FUCKING OLSEN TWINS have clothing lines.......if ANYONE should be designing clothing.....ITS ROBIN FUCKING BLACK...am I right? I am SO right!

ANYONE I'VE ASKED TO COME TO THE CONCERT WITH ME
HERE IS THE INFO
PLEASE COME

The Opera House
September 6th, 2002 8pm
ALL AGES
735 queen street east
main intersection; queen street east and broadview avenue.
BEG YOUR PARENTS! TRUST ME! YOU DONT WANT TO MISS THE CHANCE TO SEE ROBIN BLACK AND CHEERLEADER LIVE!

well it's time to go discover more fun things in this GREAT city of TORONTO

...god i love living so fucking close to it

Thursday, August 22, 2002

ill post later


My Favorite Male Part Is:


The Back: Behind every good man is a good back.


Ignore the whip scars...

Find out your favorite male body part!
Friend? by Coal Chamber

Living a lie, let's not pretend
That you like me or we are friends
We can call it for the few
That are listening tonight
We'll devide the dream cut the loss
Feel no pain, you can fuck the fame
You can fuck the fame
For the ones that are listening

All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again


Your future's bleak, you better save your skin
It's that flesh you smell, it's that skin you're in
Your soul is rotting as well as your inners
Your mind and teeth they're getting thinner
Selfish, selfsustaining
Regrets, unmistaking
Fuck the fame, you can fuck the fame
For the ones that are listening

All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you


Sleep well, sleep tight
You know this song is about you don't you?
Sleep well, sleep tight
You know this song is about you don't you?

sleep well

All this time I called you
All this time I called you friend

All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again
All this time that I called you friend
I won't be there for you again


I won't be there for you again
I won't be there for you again
I won't be there for you again
I won't be there for you again

SPEAKING OF FRIENDS...Lexy is a big time bitch, I love Wayne, and I'm growing attached to my stalker

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

Only R&B I'll STILL listen to...amazing lyrics
Just Another Girlfriend by Robyn

You say that I am all a girl like me could be
And you say that all that you need you find in me
And that feels good, 'cause that is all a girl wants to hear
But are you telling me this baby just to keep me near
My soul and all of my heart I'll give to you
But my trust is something that I put in few
So baby if you want it all you've got to show me
That what you say you're gonna do is something that will become reality

So will you love me, let's say one year from now
And if you will baby can you tell me how
'Cause I wanna know, I'm not gonna play the fool again
I wanna be more than just another girlfriend
Just another girlfriend, just another girlfriend


So this is it, this is where your choice has to be made
'Cause I ain't goin' no further if I don't know what's ahead
But don't get me wrong, all I want is you to stay with me baby

Won't you stay with me baby

But not here, not where we are today

[Chorus]

Will you leave or will you stay, will you stay another day

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

I KNOW I KNOW
my blog makes me look like a loser who has nothing to do but sit here and post in it all day
but it's true so fuck you, wench! (wench = bestest word)

I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS......Jaime...(Dave's girlfriend)...IS MOVING BACK TO ILLINOIS!

all of a sudden after not talking to me for about an hour Dave asked me if I mind if he has some time to himself and I said no go ahead, is something wrong, and he said yeah but it was too painful to talk about..if I wanted to know to ask AndrewD...aka Daniele...aka Danielle, so I asked him and he told me
I feel so bad for Dave, this girl was fucking perfect for him
ANYONE ELSE WANNA CRAWL IN A HOLE AND FUCKING DIE????
...so it's almost three hours and Debby suggests I call him back. I knew it was a bad idea...he's on the other line!
he's either talking to one of his exwhores....or he's STILL talking to Mike....which would make him gay!
He asked me to meet him at the mall at 12ish cause he's getting his hair cut but I have ortho.
AND ON TOP OF THAT
Wayne went offline a long time ago...y'know just left
and that kinda bugged me cause I love talking to him cause he's half gay...so he half understands

ARIELS OPINION ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD'VE CALLED ANDREW BACK
Ariel says:
oh
Ariel says:
well, wait for his call
Ariel says:
just cuz he doesn't call u, doesn't mean u should call him



i think now is the time where i come to grips with reality and realize it's been two and a half hours....he's not going to call me back
and here we have WAYNE all over again
I totally understand why he didn't call me back, I AM the MOST BORING PERSON TO TALK TO!
...maybe I should call him? Should I call him? Do I want to call him? Or am I afraid to?
........BAH..........
tomorrow's going to suck
Ortho in the afternoon
then at Night Jessie's little goodbye get together thing...I have to pretend like I'm going to miss her? god damn....stupid skanky ho bag...her and Laura....
9:30
it's been 2 hours
why the fuck didn't he say I have to go
instead of I'll call you back!
FUCKKKKKK
okay...so Andrew calls me...and then Ben-Ezra calls him...I knew he was going to because he asked me for Andrew's number, so after being on hold for a long time...Andrew comes back and says can I call you back bla bla bla Ben-Ezra and I'm like ya.
So I decide I should clean my room because sitting on my ass isn't cool.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYONE EXPECTS ME TO CLEAN THE FUCKING THING! I MEAN I WALK IN...SEE A BED...LIE DOWN!
heeheheheheeehehehehe
ANYWAYS...I decide to lie down and wait for Andrew to call me back...so I put on a CD...turn my phone's ringer up high in case I fall asleep, and then drift in an out of sleep...wake up as the last song plays. It was 7:30 when I left the computer...it was 9:00 when I came back on.....an hour and a half
BAH
...i feel forgotten...
....excuse me while I go eat some peach crisp and ice cream....which has been my diet for the past few days
I think my boyfriend is gay.......seriously
we all know I have a slutty aura...
his parents are going out tonight...
he invites Laura and Jessie over (^_^*)
no one's home at my house...but he has to baby sit
BAH
I swear.....he's gay =P

Monday, August 19, 2002

HAHAHA GSPS GIRLS ARE STUPID TOO!!!!!!!!!
Awhile ago some girl told Rachel to stop liking Wayne and leave Wayne and Jenn's love alone. HAHAHA! Wayne hates Jenn...so I get this girls email...Shaleeka I think. Anyways you have to see this conversation!

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Shaleeka:
hey who r u ?
Shaleeka:
vicky
Me:
yes
Shaleeka:
oh
Shaleeka:
hi i guess
Me:
hi
Me:
did u tell rachel to leave jenn and waynes love life alone?
Shaleeka:
ya
Me:
okay
Me:
Jenn and Wayne have no love life
Shaleeka:
i know but jenn likes him a lot and she wants to have a chance with him
Shaleeka:
cuz she really likes him well not alot but she likes him
Me:
that sucks
Me:
because she'll never have a chance with him
Shaleeka:
why do u say that
Me:
cause Wayne hates Jenn
Shaleeka:
ok
Shaleeka:
w.e
Shaleeka:
u can say what u want
Me:
okay don't believe me, this is all a elaborate conspiricy to get Wayne back
Shaleeka:
huh?
Me:
I said you don't have to believe me, maybe I'm lying, maybe I'm just SAYING Wayne hates her so that I can steal Wayne back for me (^_^*)
Shaleeka:
now u want him back
Me:
no...i'm lying...i have a boyfriend
but seriously, wayne hates jenn
tell jenn to like someone who isnt an asshole
I forgot to mention...KYLE'S HAIR TIPS...hehehe
He always used to tell me to wear my hair down...right
so today my hair was up
on the walk he's like by the way keep your hair like that
me: but you told me to keep it down
kyle: during summer and fall...especially fall when the colors come out...keep it up
andrew: good call
me: ummmm...okay...
Maybe my lack of energy was from...I dunno....being bored? I dunno, it's just I'm so full of energy right now!!
at 1 I had a psychologist appointment...so at 11:45 I woke up, got ready and left...I got there 20 minutes early...but she had time...which didn't mean I got out early...it meant she talked for an EXTRA 20 minutes...I've gathered the habit of spacing out and half listening while she talks...which isn't good! SHE GAVE ME HOMEWORK! I have to write down 10 emotions...it can't get any easier...imood.com =D hahaha! I went to Thornhill Optical at 5ish cause Andrew AND KYLE were there...working or something...and of course, Kyle and Andrew sing a song they wrote...while Kyle played guitar. So at 5:15 Kyle went home and Andrew and I went to his house. His mom invited me to stay for dinner. She seems quite nice. We watched Max Keeble with Taylor as well. Kyle got back and we watched TV...then Kyle went to his house and back to pick up a tape...of Kyle and Elron and this other kid doing stupid things...for some project...I haven't laughed that hard in SO long! Jaime (AKA Miss Clingy) called Andrew and they talked for a while. When the movie finished I went home...they walked me home. So we're walking up Yonge Street, and something about this damp, dark, night that gave me a sudden burst on energy. So I was hopping around..hehehe...so I told them about my condom etc. collection...I don't think they believed me...because they got surprised when I pulled 3 flavoured condoms, 2 regular condoms, and one flavoured lube out of my side pocket. Kyle said Andrew So we got to about Inverlochy when Andrew decided he should visit Laura and Jessie (Jessie is at Laura's)
So we're right by my house and Andrew says "I'm going to see you room"
me: now?
Andrew: yes
me: meh? now? ahh!
Andrew: yessss
So I eventually let them in even though my room is a mess...
Kyle saw my guitar...he's like "you have a guitar" and of course he picked it up and started playing it.
I showed Andrew the ugly box I made in tech class...which happens to contain my condom collection!
That's right...I am the best girlfriend...hahahaha! There are more girls like me...guys just don't know where to find them.
So when Andrew went to leave...and Kyle sat tuning my guitar (HAHA WAYNE HE SAID IT WAS OUT OF TUNE!) I kissed him (yes with tongue...oh wow. Kyle gives me this look, I don't even know what he meant...
Andrew told me to call him when I get up tomorrow! OMG I'M SO HAPPY HE'S BACK!
So0o0o0o0o0o HAPPY!

ONE BAD THING HAPPENED TODAY...my green beaded necklace is a bitch...and falls off and stuff....well when they were leaving my house I noticed it was gone...I must've lost it on the walk =(
oh well

DID I MENTION MY DAD WANTS ME IN BED BY 12AM SUNDAY TO THURSDAY! ugh cause school starts soon! BAH!
WHAT ELSE DOES A 15YR OLD INDEPENDENT GIRL EAGER TO MOVE OUT DO AT ALMOST 2AM?!?! why house hunting of course!

homesintoronto.net

The Industrial Revolution - 676 Richmond St. West



Located on a quiet residential section of Richmond Street West (west of Bathurst Street), 676 Richmond Street West is probably the best located loft complex in Toronto. Where else should a loft be other than steps to Queen and Bathurst? Originally a knitting mill, the building was converted to house 20 condominiums by Mitchell and Associates (Bob Mitchell). Suites range from a 750 square foot one bedroom to 2000+ square foot multi-level suites.


Virtually every unit has a patio or a terrace. All units come with an underground parking space, fireplace, high ceilings (10-16 feet) and hardwood floors. Separations between suites consist of concrete blocks, insulation and drywall (uncommonly good for a conversion). All suites are air-conditioned and most have huge windows. Many units have two storeys. Due to the small size of the building, there is no concierge. Lofts sell very fast at 676 Richmond Street West.

torontothegood.com

CLICK TO SEE IT!





I'd search for more...but I'm tired...and might have to get up at 8
because my Dentist is an asshole...I'll explain tomorrow!
I have made a miraculous discovery.....ORRRR a obvious one that I was too stupid to notice before...lol......cause I do that a lot
ANYWAYS! my discovery
I've never been more comfortable with myself with anyone, guy or girl....besides Wayne. I wasn't so comfortable with him till now....y'know, after we broke up....and after we stopped fighting over stupid things, I usually started those fights though.
I want Wayne to be arround forever! lol I WANT WAYNE TO GIVE BIRTH TO MY BABIES! hahaha! BTW I Love Wayne...because he thinks I should stay with Andrew because Andrew treats me really well! MWA TO WAYNE! (even though he sucks as a guitar teacher)
hahaha!
WAYNE CAN I STEAL YOU AWAY FROM HER AND MAKE U MOVE IN WITH ME?!?!

YOU KNOW YOU WANNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sunday, August 18, 2002

Wayne came over today! I didn't learn anything on the guitar!
...Wayne wants me....
what to do?
He doesn't want to go out with me...he just wants me...so basicly it's like "Tor I'm horny...dump Andrew, fool around with me...then go be lonely" am I right? I am right!
He was going to ask Andrew to borrow me....
DON'T TELL ANYONE...YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
but Shannon just told me she has a crush on Wayne....AAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
hahaha...I told Wayne he can't have me...cause he gave me up =D hahaha!
Seriously though, it's a little unfair to suggest I dump Andrew to fool around with him...because that's all he wants...to fool around...then I become single....Wayne's solution: go out with Andrew again! (^_^*) would that make me a bitch or a slut? I'm thinking...BOTH! SO he said go out with someone else! Dude, no! Yeah, let's go out with Nathan! Or....NOT!
I'm right though..right? about him not being fair. Of course I am...he just wants to use me for sex and throw me away...right?
I WANT YOU TO WANT ME BY LETTERS TO CLEO

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me

hahaha I'm wearing that sticker bra I bought...and it feels funny!!

Since I've found out about the Robin Black and the Intergalatic Rock Stars concert, I've been reading show reviews. Cheerleader is opening up for them...so I decided to go to the Cheerleader Website and listen to some songs and stuff. I really like them. I have to go to this concert I HAVE TO GO! OMG! I SHALL DIE IF I DON'T GO! I have to see them live again...there's only one reason I can't go...no one else is going!
SOMEONE COME WITH ME
I don't want to go alone...but I mean c'mon, you can't miss this show...I've already missed TWO shows AND a video shoot!
*whines* I WANNNNNNNAAAAAA GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Robin Black is SO cute! I was watching an interview with him from Umbrella Music which is a Canadian music site! God, he's sexy! I HAVE to talk someone into going with me. I wonder if Alanna likes Robin Black....


my pants look GREAT! :)

Saturday, August 17, 2002

AHHHHHHHHH 2 WEEKS TILL MIKE MOVES *CRIES*
wo0! my mosh buddie quiz works! html is tiring!
SHUSH YOU TWO! ANDREW IS CUTE!






I Am Tory!





Which *MoSh~BuDdIE* Are YOU?
ANDREW CALLED ME TODAY!!! wo0! He's at his cottage...his camp is over. He's like "you know everyone in your school thinks you're a freak" hahahaha! He's so cuuuuuuute! He gets home tomorrow night!!!! wo0! I'm so excited! YAY!
god i should take that pic of andrew down...when i see it i miss him
3 days till Andrew gets home as I said!
His camp ends...TODAY
he's at his cottage till tomorrow
then the NEXT day...he gets home! wo0!
the day after he gets home he wants to spend alllllllllll day with me! more wo0!

I wonder if Wayne and I are ever going to manage to make plans...heheheeeee.......

today I might go shopping and might to the family picnic...I'd rather have Wayne come over and do niether!
tomorrow I might go to FINALLY see xXx with Geffen and Debby
the NEXT DAY (monday) my mom gets out, Andrew gets home, AND I have a psychology appointment AND a dentist appointment...I might have to cancel the dentist appointment
THEN THE NEXT DAY I SPEND ALL DAY WITH ANDREW!!!!! WEEEEEEEE

I should be sleeping...
...heh..I can't wait to tell Andrew I'm dying! =P

APPARENTLY...WAYNE IS ATTRACTED TO FAT PEOPLE WITH SMALL BOOBS...he said so himself...he said he thinks its...SEXY!

my goal tomorrow is to get out of bed and clean my room
or course that's been my goal for the past week!
Wayne's goning to call me at 11....thats in like 7 1/2 hours....I wonder if I'll be up...I SHOULD be...but I usually sleep like 12 or more hours! Okay night night
that "ugly kid with the glasses" (as kale puts it) is andrew...I happen to think he's adorable!

anyways I forgot to mention Wayne said I'm sexy and that he want's me...I'm not sure how to take that....

mine
3 DAYS LEFT

Friday, August 16, 2002

I'M GOING TO DIE

Body Mass Index (BMI)

I am 123lbs, and 5'1. This makes my Body Mass Index (BMI) 23.2. You can calculate yours here

BMI Categories:
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

Waist Circumference
Determine your waist circumference by placing a measuring tape snugly around your waist. It is a good indicator of your abdominal fat which is another predictor of your risk for developing risk factors for heart disease and other diseases. This risk increases with a waist measurement of over 40 inches in men and over 35 inches in women
Mine is: 34 inches

If my BMI was 1.8 higher....I'd be over weight.

I'm dying because I sleep too much, I barely eat and when I do it's nothing healthy. I have no vitamins I get no calcium and I drink no milk. When I'm not sleeping I'm lying in bed, or on the computer. I have no energy. I can't run from one side of my drivewave to the other.

....I'm starting to think breathing requires too much energy....
WHAT THE FUCK!?!
am I not important enough to be told things?!??! I mention to my sister that Wayne and I might do something tomorrow...like he might come over or something...cause today well didn't work out! She's like well you can't. We're going shopping tomorrow and then to the family picnic! WHY DID NO ONE DECIDE TO TELL ME?!?!?!!? ARGH! they never tell me things! My sister and I got in a loud ass fight about it just now! I DONT WANT TO GO SHOPPING! I DONT WANT TO GO TO THE FAMILY PICNIC! I DONT KNOW THE FAMILY! I DIDNT HAVE FUN LAST TIME, I WONT THIS TIME!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *screams some more*

okay I feel a little better now, but seriously, why don't they tell me?! Shannon's like dad did tell you blablablablabla NO HE DIDNT
THEY NEVER TELL ME

AHHHHHHHHH
why the fuck is someone defraging the other computer? I want to burn a CD! DEFRAG FASTER BITCH!
okay...I was awake at 9:30AM to make sure I was awake when Wayne called. So he called at 10:30...we talked and I was supposed to ask if he could come over but I wasn't too sure where my grandparents were. So he decided it was too late in the day. I didn't even know what time it was because I spent the whole time whining about how I was awake. Then his mom had to use the phone...so he left...I went back to sleep till 3ish when my sister called me. My grandparents are going out for dinner tonight, and my Dad and Lizz are going to the Bob Dylan concert. So my dad left my sister and I money to order food. So Shannon calls me, which confuses me...until she says "I'm at Jessica's". She wants to know what I want for dinner and when we're going to order food. I was too tired to answer so I said wonder home at random times to see if I was hungry. She took the food money with her...I don't trust her with money....

Wayne said we should probably just do something tomorrow. I think...I actually don't remember most of that conversation.
Except the part where he said he was taking Robin Black and Brian Molko from me. The part when he said 'dump your boyfriend and fool around with me' and the part when he refused to be my slave. I remember I whined...a lot. My head still hurts!

I'm kind of hungry so I think I'm going to go find things to stuff my face with, and maybe clean a bit, then shower...or take a bath....bubble bath!! :)

4 DAYS LEFT
Kale called me today(technically yesterday)...he was at Licks...he was gonna stop by my house to give me a present! It was weird in a cool sorta way :P Wayne's gonna come over and TRY to teach me guitar (^_^*)....I am the EPITOME OF SUCKAGE (i love saying that)
Okay, my neck hurts like a bitch. I'm pissed! I'm hostile! I'd bitch, but I got all my bitching out at Wayne! MWA WAYNE! I think he's right...maybe I should go to sleep. Before I do, I should explain why after my feelings of pain, neglect, hate, etc., I feel loved.
I got a letter from Andrew today! I think I should type it out for all of you because I love reading it!!!!

Hey Baby
It's 11:20pm on Aug 8. I'm sitting in bed and I was thinking about how much I love you and how much I miss you. I got parts 1 & 4 of your 50 page letter today. I read part 1 but am still waiting for parts 2 &3 so I can finish. I miss you!!! The day your mom gets out and the day I get back are the same day. I leave here on the 17th, spend the 18th at my cottage and get back on the 19th. On the 20th I'm spending all day with you! We have to make up for two months. I miss you so much!!! :( Next year you have to come up on Visitor day. My Dad would bring you and take you back. I can't wait to feel you in my arms again. I miss everything about you, your voice, your hair, listening to your heart. About my festish, well you'll just have to find out. (wink) It has been hard to go so long without fooling around, but I've been good so far. :) Being away from you just makes me realize how much you mean to me. Can I come swimming when I get back? Oh, have you talked to Kyle since I called? If you did what's he up to? I think that's all for now.
xoxoxoxo Love you lots
xoxoxoxoxoxo Andrew


...hehehe...little does he know that there's SIX parts not FOUR! muahaha! I've been trying to have him and Ariel over to swim ON THE SAME DAY like all summer...but they were never available the same days...and now...Andrew gets home and Ariel's gone again! (^_^*)


Thursday, August 15, 2002

FRESH SLUT HOT OFF THE STREETS
...heeheheheheheheeeheehehe.....
OMG WAYNE JUST REMINDED ME!!!! I HAD A DREAM ABOUT MY OLD FRIEND DERICK!

I was lying in bed watching a movie with Shannon(I think) and him. We were holding hands and stuff and that's pretty much all I remembered...but I had just forgotten about him, and I had that fucking dream. I need to forget him. But noooooo it won't let me forget him!

1 347 L337, b1Zn47ch!
meh...everyone has abandoned me....Dave because he was hurt and almost died...Rob's not here...I dunno where everyone else went...Wayne dictched me for porn then decided to leave
im bored
I think instead of wallowing in self pity tonight and instead of getting depressed for no reason other then because I have nothing else to do...I think I'm going to read more about Richey's disapearence until I get so fucking scared I don't want to sleep....maybe I just won't sleep tonight! I'll go bra shopping without sleeping...
I've been tired since 9:30......it's 1:45.....I want to sleep....but I know me...I know if I go lie in bed I'll be lying there awake till 3am
FUCK!

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

HAHAHAHA!!!!!! FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED!!!! Okay I'm talking to Wayne, right? and he said that Lexy called him today and he got pissed cause he wanted to masturbate cause he hasn't in 5 days cause he was in New York with his mom.
So today after Wayne logged on...and off...soon later Lex came online and I told her that I thought Wayne might be home
So I found out that she called him soon after that.
She thinks I'm obsessed with him! HAHAHAHAHA how funny is that?
I THINK WAYNE'S HOME!!! He was online...but then I said "wayne?" cause I didn't think he'd be home till like Saturday...and he went offline! So I have NO idea...*sigh*
Dave Williams....is dead. http://www.drowningpool.com/news.shtml
...I just realized something....
I think I'm scared to go to sleep......
.....because of him......
see what staying up late does to me?
Seriously though, I'm terrifed
.......reading more articles about Richey's dissapearence....and I read this article about the study of adults going missing. It reminded me...my second or third cousin, Jennifer, was on the news one day, while I was still dating Wayne, she was reported as missing. I didn't cry, but I didn't much enjoy when Wayne told me she was dead. A few days later she called saying she'd seen herself on the news and that she was fine. I'm not sure as to the whole story though.
I find myself here....at 3:30ish in the morning, reading more about the disappearance of Manic Street Preachers' Rythm Guitarist Richey James Edwards. The first I heard of him is when I was on the Self Injury website. I was looking at famous injurers...and he was one of them...he was the only one who had pictures are well...which are here. So I downloaded some Manic Street Preachers songs and I kind of like them. They're not hard or anything, and I'm not sure if they're rockish or popish. The police report said pop, KaZaA says both...but they wear make-up. I don't know...I think rock...old rock. Richey apparently dissapeared February 1st, 1995. So I'm at this site just like I was a few nights ago. Everytime I'm here I get chills up my spine but the more I read the more I want to know. The more I MUST know!

So anyways, back to the reason I'm writing in my blog, because I had no intention to earlier. I've been thinking about the stalker guy I have. I guess I should start the story from the beginning.
Some guy (diesel_freestyle_gino@hotmail.com) added me to his MSN, and he added a whole bunch of other people I know. He was never online and we never really thought much of him. One day he was online and said he knew Samira and I, and he started telling us little facts about ourselves...so we thought whatever we probably know them. It didn't really bug us that much. Things got worse and worse. He started claiming to be us and knowing stuff about us. He knew some stuff about me. On May 25th 2002 (I save and date certain MSN conversations) I was going to go to Andrew's. So I'm sitting on MSN waiting for Andrew to come pick me up right? This guy comes online...and I had a conversation with him. The conversation freaked Andrew out a bit when I showed him, he was more freaked then I think I was. I found it on my computer...here are some of the non-pointless parts (there's a few times he just keeps repeating "i am a gino!") (remember he had recently been claiming to be me):

Me:
okay, if you're Victoria Lynn Daurio
Me:
who are you going out with
Him: says:
some kid from thornhill
Me:
don't you think you should know your own boyfriends name
Him: says:
Andrew
Me:
andrew what?
Him: says:
Andrew from Thornhill
Me:
you dont know your boyfriends last name
Him: says:
do i send shivers down your spine..
Me:
no
Me:
you come pretty close
Him: says:
are you lying or am i not doing a good enough job....
Me:
try harder
Him: says:
you have a blue dress
Him: says:
you wear with high heals
Him: says:
black ones
Him: says:
you recently cut your hair
Me:
what else
Him: says:
you have cuts on your legs
Me:
everyone knows that, what else
Him: says:
ask me a question
Me:
where do i live
Him: says:
in a house the street is connected to yonge street
Him: says:
beside buildings
Me:
how old are you
Him: says:
9
Me:
what else do you know about me
Him: says:
ask
Me:
what color are my eyes
Him: says:
green orange brown
Me:
k wear was i after school for most of this week?
Him: says:
home or thornhill public
Him: says:
have i done a good job yet?
Me:
no you're wrong
Me:
i havent been at thornhill public


THEN MY INTERNET SHUT DOWN!!!

Him: says:
computer mess up again?
Me:
...yes...
Me:
whats my phone number
Him: says:
maybe you should switch computers
Me:
I like this one
Him: says:
because it has music on it?
Me:
no
Him: says:
alright
Me:
whats my phone number
Me:
sorry i missed your last messages
Him: says:
are you really going to make me go get it
Him: says:
just trust i have it my back is in pain
Him: says:
whats your favourite scary movie...
Me:
i doubt you have it

Me:
shouldnt you know my fave scary movie
Him: says:
i don't
Me:
well then there is something you dont know
Him: says:
so what is it
Me:
jeepers creepers
Him: says:
samira is intrested in ghosts i can tell
Him: says:
she probably has one right under her nose
Me:
i have a good question
Him: says:
yes
Me:
who do i live with
Him: says:
grandparents and dad and a dog
Him:
aand shannon
Me:
wheres my mom
Him: says:
i think she lives far from you
Him: says:
brampton or rexdale
Him: says:
downtown somewhere
Me:
how do you know all this?
Him: says:
because i am Victoria
Me:
no seriously, are you a girl or a guy?
Him: says:
anyways i should be going now
Me:
no
Him: says:
have a nice day with andrew
Him: says:
take care now


the only person who knew I was seeing Andrew that day, at the time, was I think Samira. That same time Samira was talking to him. He started asking her about a fight she had with her boyfriend Matt. The only person in the world who knew about the fight besides Matt and Samira, was me.

He's been on and off but not talking. I thought he'd left me alone. One day, when my name was 'anyone else have the munchies?' He added 'I have the munchies for pussy Tory ;)' after his Diesel bla bla bla name!

That was about it
until last night...

He came online
and he didn't talk to me....well he kind of did. I would ask him something...and he would answer by changing his name to the answer...

I asked him if he knew stuff about me...and he told me I lived off yonge, near coffee time, and my bedroom is on the second floor...first door on the right. That's when I got freaked out. He changed his name to 'what's the matter Tory, freaked out?' or something like that. I asked him what else he knew, and he said he didn't want me up worrying about it. He said that he thought it was enough for the night and he was tired and he was going to sleep.

Now that you're up-to-date, I can talk about why I am writing this. I'm sitting here, in almost complete darkness. I got up to reset my modem and I look out the basement window and see nothing but darkness and I get chills up my spine. There are 2 ways to think about this stalker. Either someone's officially stalking Samira and I, and like seriously stalking us, or one of are friends knowing that Samira and I have problems with this shit, decided to play a very, cruel, unforgivable joke.

If it is a joke...it's not funny anymore. Debby thought maybe it's one of my sister's friends cause they know where my room is, but they don't know Samira so it makes no sense.

This is really starting to creep my out and make me extremely paranoid. I'm starting to look over my shoulder every few minutes while I sit at the computer in my basement at night. The basement I'm so famillar in. Even the normal sounds make me jump.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

I went to Dave's today...I had fun...I met this guy Andrew! Lukasz couldn't make it :( but Michal showed up! I left about 8:30ish....I'm tired!
I'm not mad at Dave anymore! Last night we talked things through. I didn't tell him why I was mad though. A lot of things were upsetting me, even though I wasn't too sure what, and as soon as he found that out he started talking to me and stuff. I suppose I was mad because I was afraid to lose a good friend. I realized that I still have him. He still loves me. Just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean he's going to stop loving me! His girlfriend, by the way, is nice, and is just like him. There are five guys that I'll always love. Dave, Anton, Andrew, Jon, and Wayne. Dave is a great person, very flattering, and always there to talk to. Anton is just there, he's funny, and we've had some great memories. Andrew is thoughtful and sweet. I've heard a lot of bad things about him, but he hasn't done anything bad to me. Jon is the funniest guy in the world and the first guy I fell in love with. Wayne, is just Wayne. I dated Wayne for a year. Wayne and I have memories...he knows just about everything there is to know about me, and he does whatever he can to make sure I don't stay mad at him. He's adorable...but can be the biggest prick. =P

Now I'm not supposed to tell anyone about his, because I promised Dave, but this is my blog y'know, I'm not technically telling people. So anyone who reads this doesn't know! =P

He sent me an email...this wasn't something random he sent me...we were talking and I said I was going to write what's great about him cause he was feeling a little under the weather about himself, and so was I so he said he was going to write one too! Here it is:

WHY TORY IS A GREAT FRIEND


She has a unique personality and is always there to help out others when they
need help, that’s why when she is down im always there to help, because she’d do
the same for me. She is really smart and talented even though she denies it,
keep practicing on guitar and you’ll realize your good. Sometimes I feel bad
that people are so much smarter than me but thanks to her I have learned to look
at my strengths rather than my weaknesses. She is truly more than a friend, I
actually look up to her in a way and I am amazed that I’m not too much of a
loser to hang out with her. But that’s just another example of why she is so
amazing, she accepts people no matter how “cool” they are or what problems they
have or had in the past. She is also very beautiful (if that’s how you spell
it), and I’m not surprised why many guys love her so much. One look in her eyes
would make you fall in love right on the spot. She is also a mentally strong
person, no matter what problems she had in the past she handles them great, of
coarse there are times where she can’t handle all of them cause that’s natural,
we’re all down sometimes, but that’s just a time when people like me are there
to help her out. She has also a really great taste in things, she likes rock
which kicks ass, she’s into books unlike me, she loves horror movies like me
also... and so far what I’ve learned from her is that me and her are very alike
people and I think that we get along pretty good actually. A friend like Tory is
too good to miss out on and to lose, and I know she thinks the same about me
hehe jokin. I know this seems short about what I think about her, but this is
the only stuff that I can put on paper, the rest what I feel about her goes
beyond my grasp even, and I just wish you the best success in life Tory.



THE END



Monday, August 12, 2002

AHH! I have to post something else again!
Lukasz is such a sweetie! I've talked to him a lot recently! He really is
But I go bback to the chat right? (666BleedingPoisonSour666 = him, chaotic-mind = me)
666BleedingPoisonSour666 : yay!
chaotic-mind trys to smile

then he whispered me!
666BleedingPoisonSour666 : and no. im not being like dave with all the lies


what a cutie huh?
I was reading my book today (WHICH I FINISHED! I HAVE TO START A NEW ONE NOW!)
and I read something that was so striking...I'm not going to say why...I'm just going to type it and let you interpret it however you wish. The whole passage doesn't strike me...but selected parts really stood out.
It's a conversation between Elaine and Lancelot...regarding Queen Guinevere.

"You still love her," said Elaine. "That's the whole trouble. In spite of all the indignity she has laid on you, if she said the word to-morrow, you would go back to her.You'd go back to an affair from which the glamour has been worn away. If she gave you the chance, you'd be her ignoble slave."
"She won't give me the chance," said Lancelot, "so I shan't discuss your notion of slavery. She won't send for me, and if she did, I'd probably not go. Once I would, but not now. That part of my life is over. I referred to it only as a measure of what love could be. You and I ought not to marry unless we felt such passion. I doubt if you do. I know I don't. There's no love for anybody left in my heart."
"You're altogether wrong," said Elaine. "You'll love Guinevere as much as ever, and some day she'll send a word, and you will go. What gives her such power? You weren't happy with her -- you felt guilty. But she always could do with you as she wished. When I think how I love you, and how cruelly she treats you, yet whenever she crooks her little finger you will turn your back on me, and when you go, Galahad will sonn follow, and I shall be left alone!....
It goes on...Guinevere ends up sending a messenger to get him and he goes, of course, *men*. It's a great book, old, and only 340 pages. Quite the easy read as well.
Well I'm neglecting Lukasz and Rob in the Talena chat as I write this so I'm going to go back to them now!
is it right of me to be mad at Dave? maybe I'm being a little unfair...
I can't have men worship me at my feet!
I can't get pissed because he found himself someone who loves him, when I can't because I love Andrew
maybe I'm being a bitch...I am a bitch!
I want to be desired but unattained! That's so bitchy of me
but maybe I'm upset because I hate guys who jump from girl to girl with the same cheesy lines about love!
And I fall for everyone....
yesterday when I was bitching about this to Lukasz it sounded like I was talking about everything I've heard about Andrew...as if this was some sort of crash course
And maybe I'm upset because it makes me wonder if anyone means it when they say I Love You
I get online and say hi to Dave because I wanted to ask him some questions, like if life is better with Jaime and all that other crap he says to every fucking girl! He said he's sorry but he can't talk...he's busy! All I have to say is: AJGSkalsdhalkjfhsl;kjfLJHFL:KJ
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*sigh* fucking liar.....they all are
so that's what my msn name is...and Austin starts talking to me:
Austin says:
thats right we are
Austins says:
we only lie about being liars
...awwwww.....I love Austin! and I miss Wayne so much! He'd be here to listen to me bitch!
AND I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE COLIN AGAIN!
And today at work the 23 year old sound guy, Brian, kept hitting on me =S

Dave can't just jump from one girl to the next...ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1

Sunday, August 11, 2002

Tonight's my last day :(...no more Colin! Reality of that hasn't set in yet...aw but when it does it'll be a bitch
I hope Dave is online when I get home! I have some questions to ask him *evil laugh*
Well I have to go get ready and eat because I have to leave in 15 minutes! BYE!
some more ranting about Dave...this turned out better then it could've...if I wasn't with Andrew and I really really fell for it then it'd be worse. Dave doesn't understand love! He doesn't love girls! He plays around with them! He can't tell me life isn't worth living without me, and that thinking about me makes the pain go away, and then the next day get a girlfriend that he's totally in love with! That's not love!
The worst thing is I believed his fucking lines! I believed everything he said about how great I am! Of course I would, I'm emotionally unstable and I enjoy being loved...it makes me feel like I mean something!
UGH! Everything he said, he says to everyone else. I'm not special! He can live without me! All Lies!
Poor Lukasz has to listen to me bitch!

Saturday, August 10, 2002

NEW INFO ABOUT COLIN:
u kno the club above hard rock? like club 107 or whatever...those lights...are from his companies
...that's about it....hes so cute! ugh!

okay i know i have a boyfriend and stuff but it's nice to have someone love you......
anyways my point is Dave has a girlfriend
the thing I wonder...is what love did Dave.....ugggggggh forget it!
GUESS WHAT EVERYBODY?!?!?!
I AM A..........


NYMPHO

hehe...that's right...I suffer from Nymphomania: Excessive sexual desire in and behavior by a female.
So I went downtown today! I saw Elena and Pamela at muchmusic...so I got to meet Pamela...we didn't hang out cause Wayne, Debby and I were on our way home...then we hear some chick yelling Wayne's name......it was Muriel! and her friend! SO I GOT TO MEET THEM AND THEIR FRIEND TAYLOR! Anywho, we stayed with them for a bit and Debby and I felt slightly discluded, negelcted, ignored, forgotten, unloved...I think you get the picture!
We went to the condom shack...
I got a box of Trustex flavored condoms (12...2 of each Vanilla, Chocolate, Cola, Grape, Banana, Strawberry)
Flavoured Lube Samples (Wine Grape, Passion Fruit, Vanilla Creme)
A Multi Colored Condom
A Black Condom

ALL TOTALLING *drumroll* $25.24!!! ...why a virgin goes into a sex store and spends that much is beyond me...one day I'll be all sorts of funky oils and shit! When I live with Debby! since we're both Nymphos...Wayne should live with us...cause he is too! It'll be a sex loft! Wo0! hahaha!

ANYWAYS...guess what? I have a slave.....Wayne is my sex slave! *smiles* hehehe! my sexy, sexy, sex slave who likes to be touched just as much as I do.
Now don't worry everyone, we're not fucking around or anything....I am still very faithful to Andrew!

But now, I'm starting to understand the whole friends with benefits thing...I always thought it's hurtful...but I've realized if you both just want sex from each other then it's not! I never understood the people who fuck around with their friend....and then that's it...I thought it'd be a bitch emotionally...but it wouldn't! I realize that now!!

OMG I AM SOOOO SMART! I'm going to make one of those email surveys.....but it's a SEX ONE!! and I think I'm going to re-open up the sex page on my site!

wo0 fun!!!

I HAVE NEW INFO ABOUT COLIN! Firstly today he talked to me! I was talking to Lizz and he asked me how we know each other...Lizz answered...which is fine...and then we were talking (Lizz and I) and the 4 of us (Lizz, Colin, George, Me) were waiting for everyone to leave so we could lock up and go home! So Lizz was making fun of the magazine I was reading earlier...Metal Edge...so I Colin goes "Maxim is better" I don't know why that's relevent but he said it so it is! About the black clothes...he's always wearing them...during the show...I guess he's supposed to...before the show he wears color...he looks good in anything...he wasn't wearing his glasses today! HE'S YOUNGER THEN I THOUGHT! He starts university this fall! HE'S KINDA YOUNG! god is he ever sexy! He's a got a deep, almost monotone voice, but it's not monotone just deep...but it's fucking sexy...and he has his own lighting company! Alright that's about all I've gathered today! god i love him =P...naw, I just love obsessing and since I met Andrew I realize I have a thing for Tech Nerds!

Friday, August 09, 2002

OMG! WE ALL MUST SPAM HOT TOPIC UNTIL THEY DECIDE TO OPEN A STORE IN ONTARIO...OR EVEN JUST CANADA!!! OMG look at these...I MUST have them!!




*whines* I WANNA HOT TOPIC!
I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT COLIN!
Colin is my new non-celebrity obsession.
He's at my work. He's another one of my geeks that I love! GOD GEEKS ARE SO FUCKING SEXY! HAHHAHA!
WHAT I KNOW SO FAR:
*Lighting Operator (oh ya...how I loooove the Tech Nerds)
*Tall
* Red Head
*Freckley
*Wears Glasses
*He worked at the Area 2 Festival
*He has a very cute smile
*During the show he works in the booth
*I've only ever seen him wear shorts
*He's usually wearing black, which he looks good in
*Once he was wearing this blue and white checkered button up shirt...VERY SEXY! (but the he changed into black)
*He likes tea


HAHHAHAHAHA HOW FUNNY AM I?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that Woodbridge Catholic Schools aren't the greatest, or maybe it's just St. Andrew, or maybe it's every Gina and Thug Girl who likes to start something for no reason. I'll never understand.

There's one girl from St. Andrew, Nikki, who keeps asking me about chicken wings, and if I've eaten any lately. It struck me as odd, it's been going on for a while now. It's because she thinks I'm fat. Seriously though, I just had the most amusing conversation with her. I think you all deserve this amusement so I've decided to post it here with you.
Any of my gifted friends who, like I, have grown accustumed to being around intelligence, should get a kick out of this. Enjoy!!



Nikki:
hey eat any good wings latley?
Me:
what do you want?
Nikki:
your wings im fat to i need them to live please share with me i need food
Nikki:
what do you think of that?
Me:
nothing
Nikki:
cuz the food got to your brain
Me:
i don't put much on thought into your pointless comments that make no sense
Nikki:
okay
Nikki:
just go eat!
Nikki:
this should be your srceen name i love wings go to fart\
Nikki:
!!!
Nikki:
good*
Me:
okay, I understand that you think I'm fat and so you tell me to eat, but I don't understand why you specifically mention chicken wings
Nikki:
cuz you eat them 24/7
Me:
no I don't
I don't even remember the last time I had chicken wings
Nikki:
and stop trying to acted like wayne cuz you never can!!!
Me:
what are you talking about?
Me:
why on earth would I want to act like Wayne
Nikki:
tryin to act like wayne you dumb a$$ cuz he is everything you want to be like skinny,smart and a boy
Me:
okay, I don't at all want to be Wayne
Nikki:
yah okie
Me:
because I may seem to talk like him to some extent can only be explained by the fact that I have better things to do with my time then start pointless quarrels over nothing
Nikki:
okie fat ass
Nikki:
stop tryin to talk smart
Me:
I am smart, I don't need to act
Nikki:
yah okay
Nikki:
bye fat ass


I think now that she's aroused my hatred in the unintelligent I'm going to change my name to something stupid about Wayne not liking St. Andrew and see how many of those little girls start talking to me and interrogating me! Fun Stuff!

Thursday, August 08, 2002

I am currently in an MSN chat with someone who claims to be Talena Atfield...now I'm not sure if I doubt it or believe...I'm much too tired...I'll decide tomorrow! If it is her, she's really very nice, *yawn* god this minimal sleep thing is going to kill me one day!
NEW TO MY SITE: RECOMMENDED READING

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

Today I finished reading Prozac Nation! It was an AMAZING book! Anyone who is depressed, anyone who wants anti-depressents, or anyone who wants a perspective on depression should go and read this book. It really is great!
The next book I'm going to read is:
Galahad: Enough of his Life to Explain his Repuation by John Erskine...recommended by My Dad

(no further information available)

I think I'm going to make a recommended reading page...hehe!
MUCH MUCH BETTER! BLOG GONE MOLKO! wo0
god this looks horrible.....ill hafta change it when i get home from work! AH! I HAFTA EAT! IM GONNA BE LATE


what adjective are you?

quiz by maikamariel






Hey, pat yourself on the back, you're well-balanced....you bloody overacheiver. You think you're just so perfect, don't you--don't you?! Cocky bastard! Um....yeah. Okay, so you're neither high-maintenance nor low-maintenance, but somewhere in between. Basically that means you bitch about the important things and let the little things slide. Go you. Perfectionist whore.

Take the "Are you High-Maintenance?" quiz by Rez/Sanagi no Yume



Liars....we ALL know I'm high maintenance!



Okay I'm done for now *yawn*

Now time for some actual thinking...instead of the randomness I've posted since I got this new blog

I seriously need to shape up. I'm a wreck!

I need to improve my work ethics and my diet because I can't go into grade 10 the way I went into Grade 9, especially with Grade 11 Philosophy and Grade 11 Introduction to Anthropolgy, Sociology, and Psychology in my schedule during the same semester!
I can't go through Science the way I did last year. I can't go through History the way I went through Geography. I just can't do this anymore! I love chaos but seriously I can't take it. My room is trashed again, after I cleaned it! I don't eat right resulting in no energy whatsoever. I definatly don't sleep right. I fool around in class too much. I have to buckle down, pay attention, take notes, do homework, do assignments, study for tests, and pass my course with flying colors. Not panic before the exam and barely pass!

I can't do it. I was so unhappy last year, maybe if I do my work I'll be happier. It's not fun anymore. It's not fun to have assignments that are months old. It's not fun to almost fail. Reality Check...I'm in high school...I fail and I take it again. I can't ruin things by having to take it again! I don't know what I'm going to do. Well I do, but I can't think about it now and I'm too lazy to type. I'm getting kind of tired anyways!
Okay, so I was finding a picture for my book of choice section and OMG! they're making Prozac Nation.....into a movie!! wo0!...okay on to books



My Books of Choice

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho...recommended to me by Aunt Lisa.


Veronika is a 23-year-old who seems to lead a very normal life. She goes out with her friends, dates men and has a loving family. Veronika also lives in a world where she feels that she doesn’t belong. In Veronika Decides to Die, she wakes up after an overdose in a hospital and discovers that she only has a few days to live. In these last days, Veronika lives in a state of fear, hatred, love and sexual awakening.


Sir Gawain and the Green Knight...recommended to me by My Dad



Taking place in the Arthurian court, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is a 14th century morality tale of knightly virtue and chivalry. Recognized as a masterpiece of medieval alliterative poetry, this heroic journey encompasses the spirit of romance with a Christian consciousness. Sir Gawain’s quest is imbued with temptation, adventure and intrigue, celebrating the glory of the Arthurian court and impacting the reader with a magical descriptive beauty.
This has been made into a play which I will be seeing in October.


The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley...recommended to me by Aunt Lisa



This captivating epic novel recounts King Arthur’s legend from the unique perspective of the women central to it. Morgaine is sworn to keep the old goddess religion alive at all costs, even fighting her beloved brother Arthur. Pious Gwynhefar is pledged to Arthur and God, but drawn to the knight who brings her unfulfilled dreams. Morgaine and Gwynhefar battle for control over Arthur and his kingdom’s fate, while the Isle of Avalon disappears into memory and the battle between old and new swallows its most famous casualty.
This was made into a movie. DO NOT SEE THE MOVIE! It was 2 hours long, leaving out most of the book. It really makes me sad to read it and see what they made it into.
Sadly Ms. Bradley passed away on September 29th, 1999.


CURRENT READ:

Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel...recommended to me by Aunt Lisa



Painful, poignant, and ultimately triumphant, Prozac Nation is Elizabeth Wurtzel's catharsis--a cry of rage at the chronic depression which has dominated most of her young life. "A powerful portrait of one girl's journey through the purgatory of depression".--The New York Times
This is being made into a movie.



NOW GO! READ A BOOK! honestly, reading is so much fun!!
okay, I like the dark, so I turned one of the lights off, and I just realized that none of the lights are on...
Anyways....my bra is annoying.....off with the bra

Today I love Wayne.....

FUCK YOU MUNCHIES! I am so fucking hungry right now!! why the fuck is there no munchie food in my god forsaken house??!?! why have we no chips?!!?

OKAY BEST THING Weebl and Bob

HEY! lets go to fucksociety.ca and look at their every changing slogans!

Damn no good ones...oh well....I'll find some other way to occupy my time!

wo0 a quiz



A gently and loving soul, Nicole enjoys long walks on the beach and the bloodcurdling screams of her victims. She'd just as soon mutilate your genitals, as look at you.

Her hobbies include, reducing the idiot quotient into blubbering puddles of tears and crocheting.

Selected Film:
Soft Outer Crust Ep#14 - True Love

Which Fucksociety cartoon character are you?
© David T. Teatro - Fucksociety.ca


I love Wayne...he taught me My Mercy by Coal Chamber, and I think he's gonna teach me My Sweet Prince by Placebo! AH! YAY!...he told me to come online after work.....im here where the fuck is he?!?!? I'M HERE WAITING FOR HIM AND HES NOT HERE! (lol we ALL know I'd be here anyways though! )


I'm losing it, I need some random thing to learn about or research, something to keep my mind busy, while I eat plain wheat thins and diet pepsi......i hate this house! this is what my life of snackage and insomia has become.....tasteless crackers and ugly pop!

why is it taking so fucking long to make a new Thicker Then Water?!?! FUCK U!

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

guitar = hard

Making food sucks ass...cause I'm tired...thank god I have a diskman tonight.....if I have to hear that play one more time I'll scream!
hello again! how are we all? my hair looks really good! but that could be because I took one long assed shower!
I don't hate Lexy today, isn't that great!?! Anyways, I'm hungry! hehehe! HEY! WANNA SEE MY GUITAR!!

I look very cute right now, I'm wearing a long, flowing blue track shirt (VERY COMFY!) AND a short, tight, t-shirt thats striped blue and white and has strings its so cute! I look like a sailor girl! I took pictures of stuff, I'll put the film in on my way to work...this is where I work


Michal is hitting on me =\...I'm getting kinda of scared!!!

OKAY EVERYONE I'M LEAVING.....BUT I'm leaving you with some eye candy!

MY OBSESSIONS

Miguel "Meegs" Rascon....Coal Chamber's Guitarist




Brian Molko...Placebo's Singer and Sometimes Guitarist



Happy Oogling!





What's Your Movie Dream Car?

by Auto Glass America


hahaha....


god this is so much easier then geocities!


31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?




Take the What Explosive am I? quiz by Little man icon! Hee hee!PhoenixSpirit001






What Horror Movie Villian am I?






HEY HEY HEY! i had to change the layout again.....sarah dont kill me.........its a kitty! i wanna be a fat kitty
*yawn* i was actually gonna write but i spent too much time working on the fucking layout!!!! lol blogspot is so much easier then my old one! dude! later!
i gave up and used a template supplied by blogger
too lazy
THIS ONES CALLED......ALIENS STOLE MY WALLET I LOVE IT
MAUHAHAHAHA
dammit it didnt work.......how bout now?
i hope this template works....